HAVE I CHANGED DESTINY?

Found myself freaking out. I didn't know what to do... I liked what I saw and I liked where it was headed, but then it hit me like a freight train! Whats going to happen? Where is this gonna end? The thoughts were endless and I got scared. Wondering if I was ready, if you were ready. Thats when I moved away. Why? I dont know, I think the biggest question was the latter. Was the timing incorrect? Were you available physically, mentally and mostly emmotionally. I spent a while trying to compete with someone who no longer was there. How can one do that? I mean compete with someone not there, with the comparisons, the idealogy, the old attractions, the pain. Is it fair? Fair to someone who is trying to show that they are nothing like that. That they are different. That there is good guys still left in this world. Honest and Truthful. I can't say that is what happened but I envisioned myself going through the same path again. I been pondering as to why I reacted this way. The signs were not fully there so why did it jumped at me? Thinking about it, looks like I was the one making you compete with someone that is no longer there! Could this be it? None-the-less, I tried to go back. Was I late? Did I ruin it the whole momentum? Have I changed destiny? The questions will linger. Guess even the best fall sometimes. So please don't stop here, I've lost my place, but I'm close behind!

CROSSROADS

Finding myself in a series of decisions. Been hard the last few weeks I've been coming headways into an intersection. So many thing been going on in my life, I don't know what to do. Been searching my soul and been thinking about all the possibilities all the possible out comes and well all the ups and downs. The thoughts bring me out sort of a fantasy. Could this actually happen? Is it best left as a fantasy and not walk down that road? Should I turn and go the other side? Take the safe path of the road with the the tracked wedges. That has been the path that I have taken the last few times. Yes its safe choice but it really leaves me with regrets and with what ifs thoughts! That is not me! Yes, true I am conservative but at the same time I've lived taking chances and following my heart and my thoughts. Its seemed that lately I been taking my eye off the goal! Why is that? Why have I become gun shy? Was it the experiences that resulted on taking chances? Been living day by day just sleep walking going through routines. Not sad but not happy either. Should I take that path less taken and bring back the old me? I been taking the side road and have tried to take the loop around but somehow I end up at the crossroads and a decision must be made. What direction will I go?

JUST ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE!

I so didn't want to get up this morning. Was a long day yesterday! I worked about 12.5 hours trying to get an implementation done. Afterwards, I call up one of my buddy's who planned to go out and see what he was up to. Ended up dragging along for the evening. The evening it self was uneventful, seems that this town doesn't really live it up on Thursday Nights! Anyhow, didn't end up getting home til about 4:00 am. Thinking, "great I have 3 hours of sleep (normally I do 6) so that shouldn't be too bad." Hell my thoughts were, "I hadn't done this before" and I recall one time I did this i only got 20 minutes of sleep! Well folks reality set in, I am freaking 35 and I aint no spring chicken anymore! What in my wildest dreams ever gave me that idea? Am I nuts? I did manage to crawl out of bed and sit in the bathroom for 10 min thinking, "should I call in late?" "Oh hell," was my thought, "I'm already up!" On comes the shower and slowly I crawl in. The feel of the cool water running through my body, the thoughts of "if I move, I will puke" come to mind as I close my eyes and hold my head under the running water. Finally get the guts to actually start showering and trying to wake up! I end the shower hop out and dry myself. I look in the mirror thinking, "I ain't doing this again!" Quickly the next thought comes to mind, "Well at least not on a 'school' night!" I stagger into my room and look at my bed, so inviting so comfortable. Just like that my eyes dart to the alarm clock cool only 10 minutes late! I lay down on the bed thinking 5 minutes and Ill be revived...Well 13 minutes later and I am dragging along getting dressed and heading out the door. I get to my truck and trek to work. WOW! Why cant traffic be this smooth all the other days! I get to the office in record time and I am really dragging! Look at the clock and it looks like I'm 20 minutes late. I take a deep breath and rest my head on the head rest. I think there is still time to call in sick! Eight minutes later I decide its time to make the walk. The thoughts of "well go in for just a couple of hours then leave!" spring in my head. The idea is giving me new energy and the long walk from the overflow parking lot and up the stairs doesn't seem as long. I get to the door and crap, I forgot my badge in the truck! I look around and sure enough no one around to let me in the building. The new found energy has been used and now I slowly venture back to my truck to get the damn badge! I get there and the thoughts of going home arise again. I grab my badge and start the walk back to the building. Arriving, I swipe the badge and strole down to the elevator. Just my luck the quick elevator is my lucky transporter. I wish the elevator would get stuck! No luck as the doors open to my floor. Stumble out of the elevator and thru the rat maze of cubicles til I get to my rat hole! I sit and slowly log-on and think I so dont want to be here today. I goof around for 30 min 9:00 am. Man is time going by so slowly! Breakfast time, I decide and stroll down to the cafeteria. I cross a friend along the way and the courtious, "How you doing?" With his typical reply..."Just another day in Paradise!" Yep, Just another day in paradise...

GOD I LOVE SCREW-UPS!

Took a trip recently and was gone for about 12 days. Man, I was going nuts without a computer. Do I actually use it that much? Didn't think I was hooked but I guess that proves I actually am! Anyhow, I was able to visit some friends and enjoy a few nights out and getting drunk. Good to get away but was very hard returning to work. I ask can you actually travel 1200 miles and still be in the same state? I traveled to Houston and spent a weekend with some friends and attended a great event out there during the weekend. Meet a few people and people that I had talked to but never actually met in person. I really enjoyed that part the most. Had a person walk up to me and say hey I've talked to you before online! Was interesting meeting them and recalling all that we have talked about! I hope I get to talk to them some more. I got to pack-up again and Travel north to Big D for some training. My old stomping ground so got to meet up with old friends I hadn't seen in a while. One night got interesting everything seemed to go wrong. We went out to dinner and we had the whole order incorrect so we send it back this time undercooked, then they added something that I asked to exclude! What was going on? You got it wrong twice wouldn't you after two tries come back and make sure you get it right? WRONG! Three strikes your out. It happened I ended up with a couple of beers and a free dinner...God I love screw-ups! The night seemed to be improving! We ended up spending a good $90 in beer so you can imagine...LOL! The week went good and back to Houston for round #2. I ended up going to see Battleship Texas and The San Jacinto Monument. Was great to be amoung so much history. The only issue was the weather! OMG 100+ and Humidity of 70% is not a great thing. Plus no water or drinks were allowed in the battleship! HELLO THIS IS SUMMER IN TEXAS! What do these people think? Anyhow, I finally arrived at home to my beautiful PC waiting for me to use! Its good to be home...

-ALBERT

GOD BLESS AMERICA

It was amazing, a miracle how this country came to be. The revolutionary war and the American soldiers who had little to no training under a general that didnt have any experience in war! Barely having weapons, no uniforms and didnt even have the proper clothings at time. Facing an opponents who had one of the best Navy's and countless numbers in their Army how could we have won? With all the cards are stacked against you, America stood tall and pride and preseverance. Knowing that defeat was not an option. Amazing but those untrained badly dressed soldiers were able to make history and establish this great land of ours. A land that stands for freedom and defends the tired and oppressed! The same words Honor, Loyalty and Preseverance that our soldiers had during our Revolutionary War is found in our American Soliders today! Thanks to you our American Hero, a valid soldier who puts his life on line everyday to protect this land and give thier lives so that we can be free. Freedom is not free it has been paid by the blood of many American Soldiers who have sacrificed thier lives for our freedom! Freedom to agree or disagree with our government, to say what we please and do as we please! THANKS! God Bless You and keep you safe and God Speed! To our Comander-In-Chief may the Lord grant you the wisdom and guidance to lead us in this times of war. God Bless America!