HAVE I CHANGED DESTINY?

Found myself freaking out. I didn't know what to do... I liked what I saw and I liked where it was headed, but then it hit me like a freight train! Whats going to happen? Where is this gonna end? The thoughts were endless and I got scared. Wondering if I was ready, if you were ready. Thats when I moved away. Why? I dont know, I think the biggest question was the latter. Was the timing incorrect? Were you available physically, mentally and mostly emmotionally. I spent a while trying to compete with someone who no longer was there. How can one do that? I mean compete with someone not there, with the comparisons, the idealogy, the old attractions, the pain. Is it fair? Fair to someone who is trying to show that they are nothing like that. That they are different. That there is good guys still left in this world. Honest and Truthful. I can't say that is what happened but I envisioned myself going through the same path again. I been pondering as to why I reacted this way. The signs were not fully there so why did it jumped at me? Thinking about it, looks like I was the one making you compete with someone that is no longer there! Could this be it? None-the-less, I tried to go back. Was I late? Did I ruin it the whole momentum? Have I changed destiny? The questions will linger. Guess even the best fall sometimes. So please don't stop here, I've lost my place, but I'm close behind!